Stuck

My brain is stuck in a constant worry loop.
A sad ache is stuck in my heart, and behind my eyes where it shoves it's angry elbows into my soft places at unexpected moments.
My eyebrows are stuck closer together than they used to be.
There's an unhappy future stuck out there, just on the periphery of the present, and no one can know when it will get unstuck and come crashing through the gates of right here and now.

We're trying to live without moving. It's as if we're marching in place ostensibly trying to get through a desert all the while just waiting for rain. So what's to be done? I can give what is needed where it is needed. I can demonstrate my love and support. I can sit in the hospital or care home or living room and help my family laugh and remember all of the stories that make up our past. I cannot pause my own life to watch hers slip away. I cannot let my own sadness overcome me and drag me away from those who need me.

I love you Grandma.